A Woman's Journey
"[When I joined CCF] I felt my anxiety supplanted by the security of knowing others like me who were also striving to free themselves from their scarred pasts."
I am a 37 year-old woman of color, a mother of five children and in recovery for 15 years. I am a recent CCF graduate with a B.A in Women Studies and Sociology. My goals are to continue my education pursuing a master's degree and to assist underprivileged women who are suffering from individual and social trauma.
My involvement with the criminal justice system began at age 18. I served short sentences for stealing from retail stores and selling small amounts of crack to support my escalating crack addiction. Daily, I asked God to spare me from going home to my mother so that she would not be subjected to the hatred that I felt toward her for abandoning me, leaving me to suffer from pains of physical and sexual abuse from my stepfather. I prayed for a new lease on life, and a fresh start. Was I asking too much of God? When no solution to my problems emerged, I stopped trusting in God. All hopes and dreams dissolved in a stream of smoke from a glass pipe.
At age 25, God answered my prayer. I was sentenced to serve 4 ½ - 9 years in prison for selling $80 dollars worth of drugs. This was a mandatory minimum sentence under the Rockefeller Drug Laws. It saddens me to think that at that time I thought prison was the way to save my life, the road I had to take to change the destructive path I was traveling.
While incarcerated I received my G.E.D. That moment proved to be a turning point for me: I knew then that I could accomplish anything despite the endless chatter (inside my head, in the press, and on the airwaves) that said I would never be anything but a crack head. The accomplishment of receiving the G.E.D stimulated me to aspire for more. In 1993, while at Bayview Correctional Facility, I enrolled in the Mercy College Inmate program, which sadly, came to an end shortly afterwards, because the current Governor feels that education for inmates is a privilege, not a human right. Nonetheless, with the help of some prison staff, who brought me essential reading material, I was able to continue my self-rehabilitation.
Upon my release in 1996 I enrolled in college again. I was deathly afraid during the first term because I had not entered a school building since 1984. I had feelings of inferiority, thoughts that I did not have what it took to make it, fear of looking stupid, fear of not fitting in, and fear of succeeding. Yet it also was, in a strange way, fear that kept me going, kept me believing when I had nothing else to rely on. When I came to CCF, fear stopped being my primary motivation. A circle of support replaced that fear. I felt my anxiety supplanted by the security of knowing others like me who were also striving to free themselves from their scarred pasts.
During the commencement celebration in June 2004 when I obtained by bachelor's degree, a joyous feeling crept in, the same feeling that I had experienced when I received my G.E.D, that I could achieve whatever I set out to do. Only God knows the difficulties I have overcome to succeed in completing a college education. I am thankful for the many gifts that God entrusted to me that I might accomplish what I thought was the impossible dream. Besides my strong will power and inner gifts, God placed caring people in my path to advocate on my behalf. These individuals cared about my success and cared about my wholeness; they saw something in me that I could not. CCF provided a safe circle of support and believed in me when I did not believe in myself. Knowing that there are people who created this organization and contribute to sustain it--this idea keeps hope alive in me, keeps me on my path.
The opportunities for leadership that CCF provides have taught me that being a leader takes more than skills and self-interest. A leader is not selfish, but giving, constantly giving of herself, in order to empower and enhance the growth of others, forever learning new skills to pass on. That is the true gift education--the power to be of use and to advocate for others, the power to give back to others who have walked the same path. (Anonymous)
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A Mother's Story
"The greatest gift I could have ever given her was to see her mother receive her degree, against all the odds we have faced together."
It has not always been easy being the mother. Taking care of boo boos, doing homework and braiding hair are just a few of the things a mother does. As a mother you nurture and support your child throughout her life. Along with the everyday things, there are the gifts that you never realize you have given. One such gift that I have given my daughter is the gift of seeing her own mother further her education.
Despite my trials and tribulations with the criminal justice system, I continued to go to school. My daughter would sit with me as I went over my homework. From sociology to psychology, human biology to music appreciation, we have done it all together. Now, as I proofread my papers or sit up studying for a test the following morning, she sits by my side.
While I was at Bedford Hills Correctional Facility, she was struggling with her algebra. We would do equations during visits. She sent me her tests from English and Social Studies classes with 100% scores. Of course there were the occasional failing grades, but she worked hard to keep her grades up.
I remember the night I received my Bachelor's degree. As I walked across the stage to receive my degree, I looked up to the rafters and I saw my daughter jumping up and down, waving so I could see her. At that moment, I not only realized my own promise, but my daughter's as well. The greatest gift I could have ever given her was to see her mother receive her degree, against all the odds we have faced together.
Now she is a college freshman at Canton College of Technology. Her intended major was Veterinary Science, but she informed me the other day that she might change her major to business instead. She is making decisions that only she can make, but she is making them while keeping my gift close to her heart and in her mind.
Angela joined the CCF community in 2000. She is a proud single mother and received a Master's Degree in Social Work from Hunter College in 2004.
